Save the last dance for ME

As I was walking up the stairs before church this morning I heard the intro to "Ain't no mountain high enough" coming though the laptop speakers.

I am a dancer. I'm definitely not just girl who dances, even when "grounded", I am still a dancer. Most of the time I'm moving, I tend to run or skip my way through life, and if I could I would absolutely go out and dance in the street every day. When I'm dancing I feel as though all is as it should be in my world. It's my bliss. My point is this, I love to dance, and will justify any excuse I can muster as a perfectly good reason to do it.

Thus the reason for my immediate booty shaking shenanigans this morning as that song came on.
My adorable four year old was entertaining himself on the floor at the top of the stairs as my groove thing began shaking. He gives me a few, "oh mom, you're so embarrassing " looks and as the chorus comes, I reach out my hand and ask him to come dance with me. He shakes his head, blushes, and says, "no mama!". I  dismissed his reply and danced along to the song for a minute as I was finishing my hair.

I had no Idea that his reply would come back to me at church in the next hour and rock my world.

As we sat down after worship our assistant pastor, Tom Anthony, says he hopes to shatter the ideas we have about God. I always get excited when Mr. Anthony does the sermon because of the unique way he delivers the word of God. The passage we focused on was Zephaniah 3:17(esv) "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you with his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." The verse was broken down into 5 truths about God, correlating with the 5 separations in the passage. Parenthesis added by me:

1. He is here.
(Always He is in our presence, even in times when we don't necessarily "feel" Him.)
2. He is the main character of our stories, our lives.
(God is not a mere character in our "casts" He has the leading role.)
3. He is a "proud papa".
(He is proud of His children, He is thrilled to call us His own.)
4. He fills the void.
(The desire for love that is in the soul of every human being can only be filled by God, only His love can quiet that yearning.)
5.His love is extravagant.
(God would have no trouble standing on top of a mountain and screaming to the entire world how much He loves each and every one of us. In fact, He did. The mountain was called Calvary and the declaration of His love for us was blood. His blood, poured out in the most shameful and humiliating way conceivable. Not to mention the separation He had to endure from God in those moments. That visual always makes me quiver.)

These points were enough to make any Christian come to a renewed understanding of our Mighty God who saves, but the next part of the sermon really broke my heart.

Tom related our relationship with God to his relationship with his wife. The scene he set was scripted perfectly. When his wife comes to him and tells him she loves him, he doesn't answer with a blase' response. He doesn't say "ya sure", or "mmhhmm", not even a "love ya too babe". No, when his wife tells him she loves him he pulls her in close and whispers in her ear "I love you more than anything". He related this life experience to our response to God.

When we read the bible, God's love letter to us, how do we respond?

At this point I began thinking about my little boy and the answer he gave me when I asked him to dance this morning. Now, clearly he is 4 and I am by no means offended at his "manly" rejection. However it made me think. Suppose I am at an elegant ball and Jesus(Seriously JESUS; my King, my Redeemer, my Everything) sought me out a midst the sea of people, offered me His scarred hand, and said "Sara, my love, dance with me." 

How would I respond to that?

Part of me thinks I would fall to my knees in humble submission asking myself  "why would He want to dance with me?" Another part of me thinks I would jump into His protective, loving arms and giggle with delight. Perhaps, I would be struck silent at His beauty and quietly take His hand while savoring the loving words He would whisper as we glided across the floor.

But, would I really? Do I really accept Him like this?

Most often I don't. My reaction is minor compared to what it should be. I acknowledge Him and praise Him but not with the passionate fervor I should. Not with the excitement only He deserves. There are days I'm more excited about a cup of coffee than I am about spending time with the Lord. What a rotten response to my King. It's heart breaking to think that I respond to my groom in such an apathetic way. And it's heart wrecking to think of breaking His heart with my rejection. 

Accept His gift of love with reckless abandon. He alone deserves our wholehearted devotion and passionate obsession.

Dance with Jesus.

Freedom

Psalm 72:14 "From oppression and violence he redeems their life, and precious is their blood in his sight."

When peace washes over you, as you decide to do something you didn't believe you had the strength to do, you know that God is with you. The battle is already won. There is  an assurance of a great blessing about to be bestowed on you (James 1:17).

Fiercely determined,  and with divine power I looked "him" straight in the eye; from a part of my soul I had thought long dead, came a carnal, righteous anger. Finally after more than 20 years, the pain in my heart was given a  voice. I experienced freedom yesterday on a level I didn't believe in.

Romans 8:37 "In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

In the old testament, the Lord makes it clear many times that the battle is not ours to fight. He offers rest in the midst of misery, chaos, and war by His continual promises of victory and deliverance. Then, again in Romans, is this precious verse, He gives us the full picture of "More than conquerors". God isn't about just bringing His beloved through the fire and saying "look at that champ, you survived". No, He brings us through the wilderness, the deserts, the storms, the bloodshed, the trials, the suffering, the desperation, and says "I am so consumed with love for you that I refuse to just let you survive this, you are my child, and no one will mess with you. I, the Lord of everything, will prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies, defeating them is not enough, In MY PERFECT NAME you will annihilate them and stand on top of the mountain of God before them."

Heck yes!

So many times the nature of our God is diminished by our minds' inability to comprehend. He is a defender of His people. His fury at injustice and oppression cannot be matched by any anger we may experience. He is adventurous, wild, and always good.

Thank you Jesus for being my Knight.

I am humbled by the healing and freedom Jesus gave me through this experience. I am brought to my knees by His protection and redemption...again. My heart is dancing for my Jesus, my guardian, my strength, the love of my life, the King of my heart, my fire, my beauty, my reason for all.

Beginning Eternity

The intention of this blog is to encourage the men and women whom God has used in my life in mighty ways. In Acts God is referenced as the "Author of life", the story that the Lord wrote for me is not mine, and I choose not to keep silent about the testimony He has given me. To God be the glory.

A little over a year ago an incredibly gifted woman of God wrote this next blog, take time to read it, even if you've heard some of my story. Lauren has a gift with words that I will never know. Also, this is written from a perspective that is not mine so where there are parenthesis added explanations are written by me.

In one of my next posts I will write what happened from my perspective :)

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2010

A transformed life.

It all started in a small-town, Colorado coffee shop. A bunch of us girls decided to go grab coffee together after an exhausting first week at Mission Training.

To us, it was just another Saturday. To God, it was the beginning of something beautiful. Little did we know that God was going to invite us in to see and experience His power like we never had before.

Her name is Sara.

And she was working at the coffee shop that day. As we walked in, she noticed our smiles, our joy and they way we carried ourselves with an inner confidence. She later told us that she had seen the power of God within us and knew we had something valuable. 

(I even asked them if they were part of a college basketball team. These girls appeared so tall to me, regal even. To add some perspective here, I am 5'11" the next shortest person in my family is 6'2" and the tallest is 6'8" for anyone to really strike me as tall means they are EXTREMELY tall.)

Sara has lived a hard life. A young, single mother. A recovering alcoholic and drug addict. A dancer with a torn up body from years of rehearsals, auditions, and tours. A wandering girl, looking for answers.

Unknown to us, God had been working mightily in her life that past week. From anonymous envelopes of money showing up on her door step to pay the bills, to random lyrics touching the innermost parts of her soul. Sara knew that God was trying to get her attention--as scary as that was to her. Naturally, you can imagine her reaction when a bunch of missionaries randomly walked into her coffee shop that Saturday morning. She knew it was another blatant act from God and something in her heart told her she could no longer ignore it.

(There was a paycheck in my mailbox from a contract I had two years before the morning after I "prayed" that if this God of the bible stuff was real I needed 80 bucks. The amount was exactly 80 dollars and the money was categorized under "SPECIAL PAY". Seriously who has a category for special pay? God does.)

And so, as we were leaving the coffee shop, Sara nervously rushed up to us and gave us her phone number. She explained that she couldn't let us leave without asking if she could talk with us. 

(This was a supernatural experience for me. I was shaking with HOLY FEAR from within. God wanted me to talk to these girl and it felt as if I was gonna get a heavenly smack down if I didn't give them my number. So with no other option other than divine destruction, obviously I gave them my number.)

And so it began.

Our journey with her. Lots of late nights listening to her struggles, her past hurts, her deep questions. Lots of conversations over God's extravagant love for her, what it means to be forgiven, and how being a Christian is more than just saying a prayer. 

How it's a transformed life. 

It's the power of God at work within you. It's His desires becoming yours. It's admitting you've gone astray and crawling back to His throne of grace. It's less of you, more of God. It's faith like a child, holding on to new mercies every morning, being in awe of the character and love of God.

And somewhere in the midst of all this, Sara began to change. God was grabbing hold of her heart and renewing her mind. We saw her struggle, yet only to be met with His grace. We saw her discover who she was in Christ, a new creation made for His glory. We saw her embrace forgiveness, understanding it better than so many of us. 

A while after meeting her, she came over to read us a letter she had written to God. We didn't know what she would write, but told her to be honest and vulnerable. We knew God would delight in whatever she wrote, but had no idea how deep and impactful her words would be.

This is what she shared with us.

God,
Who am I? Without you I am nothing. Dead in my transgressions and sins. A follower of my sinful nature and human desires. An object of wrath. A lost hopeless little girl. A wandering creature of darkness. A soul that is always searching, never finding, a soul that is dead. Empty and wanting, lonely, and desperate to feel alive. That’s what I am.

The faith I have is very small, GOD but it is pure. Please, I BEG you! Help me to find the faith of a child. Not doubting or questioning your truth with my polluted mind. God, I know so little about who you are. Show me! I want to know you. I want to experience every bit of who you are.

You are perfect, I know that. And I’m just me, Sara. I’m a sinner, I’ve sinned so much and I will sin again. I am human and therefore innately this way. Thank you, Jesus, for creating me as a human so that I could worship you. So that I could truly appreciate how incredible you are. I am so humbled that you sought me out! YOU PICKED ME! You! The beginning and end of EVERYTHING wanted ME! You said in the Bible, "I was found by those who did not seek me; I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me". Thank you for revealing yourself to me. Thank you for washing away my sin so that I can talk to you like this, right now. Your grace is incomprehensible.

Your love is amazing, wondrous. You sent your only son, Jesus, down from heaven, to die by crucifixion...the most dreaded, gory, and disgraceful execution ever conceived...all so that I could have a way to know you! And God, you didn't stop there. No way, not you! Then you said, "What more? What else? I want you to depend on me throughout your life on earth. I want to take all of your burdens on my shoulders. I want to take care of you, Sara." What love is that? Not any love I know of on this earth. God, Your love is unfathomable.

I AM YOURS GOD! You are my Savior, I believe that. Help me, God, to make you Lord of my life. I don't even know where to begin. God, come into my soul live right here in my heart...you have shown me that its where you want to be. You sought me out and you trust me enough that you want your spirit in me. I welcome you with a humbleness I cannot explain in words, but that I know you see in my heart. This girl was created for your glory, so here I am. Unworthy and sinful but ready for you. I am not my own! You bought me at a price. And a price no one could possibly measure. I abandon me God, I give who I was to you, and now God I ask that you show me who you created me to be.

I love you, and… I love the way you love me.
Sara

Wow, God. 

I am humbled. What a privilege to watch God mightily work in her life. To see Him reveal such depth to her has built up my faith. I am learning it is God who rescues, not me.

I am encouraged. Since that letter, Sara keeps discovering new things about God and can't seem to get enough. Within a week, she had read multiple books of the Bible and has been teaching me things about faith in God. I am learning from her.

I am refreshed. She hungers for the Word of God much more than I do. Seeing her revel in the truths of the Gospel has made me do the same. I am learning to remember my first love--the saving power of faith in Christ Jesus.

What a honor to watch God's heavy pursuit of Sara. I am so thankful for such an eternal purpose--to be a part of His work here on earth. 

Knowing Sara and being a small part of her journey with God makes me excited for the rest of my life. Thailand or no Thailand, God is at work everywhere, all the time. What a joy it is to see Him continue to transform my life, but also the lives of those around me. What a blessing it is to know and serve this great God, with whom all things are possible.